ON CONTROL (LETTING GO AND FALLING IN)
I have this bad habit of trying to do things on my own--my own way, my
own time, my own strength. I've been raised to be self-sustaining and
self-sufficient. Not a bad thing...if used the right way. But it so often creeps
into my relationship with Christ, sending me into a crumbling heap of emotional
crazy.
I have touched on this several times before
throughout my life, and probably this book as well by now, and I think God is
finally starting to drive the point home. It's all starting to come together.
The reason I get so incredibly frustrated over small things, and blow it all
out of proportion is because, for that moment, I step out of God's presence. I
stop 'remaining' in Him. I try to take control of the circumstances myself, and
it never ends well.
In those moments of fear and instability and feelings
of being out of control they turn to anger and blind rage. From there I lose
control completely, and it's like a slow-mo film clip of the crazy girl
throwing keys, and hair dryers, and hands up. I'm not sure if there is a
solution for when I am in the moment at this point, but...I think my best plan
of action is to ensure I never get to that point.
You might simply ask "how in the world do you ensure that
doesn't happen? And, I cannot promise that this is the answer, but what I
believe in this moment is this: living a life of praise to God, and continual
thankfulness builds up a wall that will protect from external attacks. Taking
time to ‘fill up’ on the life-giving eternal water. It’s His presence. And,
like a force field surrounding us, enveloping us, it protects us.
By worshipping Him, by praising Him, saying thank you, even when things
seem awful, and feel as if they were spiraling out of control, we find balance.
We find peace. We find everything we are looking for, because we have found Him.
“Let us become more aware of Your presence. Let us experience the glory
of Your goodness…Holy Spirit You are welcome here. Come flood this palce and
fill the atmosphere. Your glory God, is what our hearts long for. To be
overcome by Your presence Lord” As I finished writing the last paragraph, that
song was ending, and I began to listen to the words. I think God was trying to
get something across.
Our God still speaks if we will be still, tune in, let go of our pretend
control, and fall into His arms to just bask
in His presence. That’s what He
longs for. That is what will bring us
deepest peace. And I need to remember that more often. I think we all do at one
time or another, but I will not speak for you, I just speak. And I hope you
hear me, and are open as I continue to speak on the power of His presence in
the next chapter.
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