Final When the Waiting's Not Worth It

If you know anything about my life, it's not exactly been perfect. Not particularly difficult and nothing truly awful has happened to me…my life is pretty average. It just seems for me that if something stupid CAN go wrong, it does. Not anything large scale, just the little things...Every stupid little thing, whether it's struggling terribly to find a job or getting a ticket on my way to my first day of work after finally finding a job, or missing the send in date for a bill and having to pay the late fee with the extra cash I DON'T have. Or having a seemingly extra large gravitational pull around me which makes EVERYTHING fall…or spill…or break. 
Several times a day I encounter something I could be frustrated about…and all too often I choose to allow frustration a voice, a place in my house. All too often when things don't go the way i want them to go, I invite Frustration in when he knocks. Even when God has always come through for me, always had my best in mind, always, in the end, things have worked out for the best, just as it says in Romans 8:28. 

I know this. Beyond a shadow of a doubt, I always know that God's got my back. Though this fact hasn't worked to keep me from freaking out at times when the smallest thing goes wrong. Like a child throwing a temper tantrum when a mother refuses to buy them a toy, I scream, I yell, I stomp, occasionally throwing or hitting things. I'm not proud of this, but this is the truth.  Here's the biggest problem with this: I know I'll get the toy.  Even if it's not the one I want, I will still get a toy.  Not because, like a spoiled little brat I get my way all the time, and not because I get it so God will get me to shut up, but because it's been promised to me. And when God promises His children something, He must come through. He must, for He is good. He cannot lie. And He loves His children, and desires only the very best for us. 

If you will indulge me, I will share an analogous story to help with this point. 

Once upon a time there was a little girl named Flawed. Flawed had a Father who loved her dearly. She was not His only child, but because He treated her so flawlessly, she often forgot she wasn't. Growing up, Flawed did not always get what she wanted. She quite often asked for a specific friend, or toy, or pet that she never obtained. She never let herself get bitter though, because she knew in her heart that her Father knew best and if she waited long enough, He would bring her a gift that far exceeded the one she had actually requested. Sometime it took days, hours or weeks. However, other times, it took months and months. Her patience grew and so did her expectations of what her Father would have in store for her next, whether it was what she asked for or not.

For many years of her life it went on like this, her asking, and trusting that her Father would come through. Early on in her life her Father promised her that one day she would get many gifts that were beyond her wildest imaginings. At 5 she hoped it was a pony. At 12 she prayed it was a best friend. At 17 she had deep expectations for a car. At 18 she wanted it to be a clear vision of her future.

However, like all good and true stories, there is a villain, and a conflict that present themselves. Flawed discovered that the more she tried to grow up and become independent of her Father the more problems arose. She began getting less and less of what she asked for, and the gifts from her Father seemed much smaller and less significant, though still they came. In addition to the smaller size, the infrequency of their arrival was painfully long. Instead or hours or days or even months, it was years that she had to wait.

Flawed became angry at her Father. "Why have you abandoned me Father? Why won't you give me what I ask? I see you giving away freely to Your other children, what about me?" she asked. She felt dejected. She wondered if she had done something wrong, or if there was something wrong with her. Occasionally she would remember the promise of her Father--the promise for something "immeasurably more" that what she had asked for or imagined. She would try to imagine what it might be like, but while this temporarily made her feel better, it eventually made her even more disappointed. Why would her Father make her wait so long for something that He had promised so long ago? Did he forget about her, or did she do something that caused her to have the present withheld?  She could not understand, so she began to rebel.

She spent less time with her Father, and had a hard time talking to Him, and an even harder time listening to Him. He  would call, but she would miss it, too busy with her friends and trinkets she had found on her own. She didn't realize how much her bitterness had separated her from her Father, her closest friend and confidant. She did not realize that He wasn't holding out on her. He was holding the gift for the right time. He had it, and had certainly not forgotten about it or about her. He would keep His promise, just as He always had, but she was blinded, and it was killing her spirit. 

Pause story…This is not as it should be. Like little children we lose sight, and we lose patience, and worst of all, we lose hope. And as we lose hope we begin to doubt that God is good, that His heart is FOR us, and for our good, our best interests. He is always about giving us our best. Always. Even if we don't see it. 

 Tonight I read part of Ann VosKamp's One Thousand Gifts on Amazon and it kicked me in the butt. It said-->

“See that I am God. See that I am in everything. See that I do everything. See that I have never stopped ordering my works, nor ever shall. See that I lead everything on to the conclusion I ordained for it before time began, by the same power, wisdom and love with which I made it. How can anything be amiss?” word of God’s truth heard by Julian of Norwich

"How can anything be amiss?" So often many things feel 'amiss' in my life.  I feel like God forgot all He promised me, even though I see bits and pieces of Him, and His will for me every day, in every moment. I see it, but I ignore it...How can I be so blind? So forgetful of all the things He has already done for me/given to me? Why? Why am I that spoiled brat in the store, asking for something my Father has already gotten for me? Yes, impatience is part of it. But, more than that is a blinded perspective. I have closed my eyes to all the things that are not the way I think they should be. So,  I am left empty and broken with no hope of restoration till I open my eyes, realign my focus, and step into the light of God's truth and promise once more. 

 Matthew 6:22-23 says ² “The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are healthy, your whole body will be full of light. ²³ But if your eyes are unhealthy, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!"

Eyes, where we begin our perspective. This is the difficulty. This is the choice. So, today, in this moment, I am choosing the light. The truth. Because that's where the life is. I choose to believe that God has a plan, and that He will follow through with His promises. He DOES follow through and does not disappoint. and THAT, my friends, is more beautiful than anything else in this world:]