(On Hope) FINAL This is not the end

"This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him."

1 John 5:14-15

"13-15My purpose in writing is simply this: that you who believe in God's Son will know beyond the shadow of a doubt that you have eternal life, the reality and not the illusion. And how bold and free we then become in his presence, freely asking according to his will, sure that he's listening. And if we're confident that he's listening, we know that what we've asked for is as good as ours"

If we're being honest here, and I am, being honest here, I'm gonna tell you that right now that verse pisses me off. Apparently everything I have been asking God for is not within HIs will. Which doesn’t make sense. Why wouldn’t it be in HIs will for me to be with someone that I love? Why wouldn’t it be in HIs will for someone I love to be happy, to feel His presence as clearly as I have in the past? Why wouldn’t it be in HIs will for me to feel His presence and have clarity and know what the hell I am supposed to do right now? Why wouldn’t it be in His will for someone I love to be able to find happiness in spite of circumstances? Why wouldn’t it be in His will for me to get a job when I need it so badly and WHY WOULDNT IT BE IN HIS WILL for my family to have money and for my father to be around when we need him? Why are people I love going through such difficult times when they are praying for deliverance? Is it not in God’s will for HIs children to be content and peaceful and loved? It doesn’t make sense. And I am SICK AND TIRED of not understanding what is going on here. I pray. I seek. I try. What else can I do? AM I stuck here, are WE stuck here, going through this temporary Hell that we can only seem to 'get through?' There is no escape. I've never felt so trapped in my life. There is no way out. No shortcuts. And no matter how many flairs we send up, no one is coming to save us.

But if that is truly the case, then why do I still feel hope? Why do i still trust that there will be an end to these struggles? Why do i still believe that God will come through? AM I naive? Am I stupid? Maybe. But maybe my heart knows better than my mind. MY mind tells me that I should give up; stop trusting God to do anything; live life the way IIIII want to. BUT my heart tells me that I should give in, let God carry me through. My heart tells me that everything will be ok. My heart tells me that my trust is not misplaced, God will not fail me. My heart tells me that living life for me will leave me feeling empty and unfulfilled, which would lead to my life being cut short. My heart tells me that God still has our best in mind and that as much as this seems like it is unending and unbearable, my heart tells me to hold to the truths that I have known my whole life. God WILL NOT LEAVE US OUT TO DRY! He WILL deliver us, and there IS a purpose for this time. As hidden as it may be, the purpose is there, and its BIGGER, GREATER than we can ever imagine!! This is not a test. This is not practice. This is WAR! And we have been called to fight. Maybe that fight for you is to push through your fears in order to overcome them. Maybe that fight is to let go of whatever has been keeping you afloat for years, and trust that God WILL finally pull you out of the water. Maybe you are fighting to keep your belief in something. Maybe you are fighting to let go of something you have falsely believed for years. Maybe that fight is to simply stop fighting, and trust that God will carry you through. I don’t know. I don’t even know yet what my fight is. But I am searching, because I will NOT give up. I will NOT lose this fight!!! This is so much bigger than me. So I CANT lose this fight. Know that we will pull through this. This is NOT the end!!!! Fight your battle, and in the end we will run the victory lap together and then collapse into the arms of Christ, and let Him hold us and comfort us as we recover. And we WILL recover! I have hope. I pray that you get a taste of the hope i feel and that it is enough for you to keep going, because you CAN!!! I love you don’t give up! We will pull through this. Now lets show Satan who has victory in OUR lives!!!