I remember when
I was younger I used to get soooo mad whenever the worship songs we sang were
more about Jesus than about God. It seemed childish and empty when people prayed to Jesus. For some reason, I discredited Jesus, counting
Him as 'less than' God. After all, it was GOD who created the universe, GOD who
formed my being, GOD who wrote my destiny- and that of the rest of the
world's-and it was GOD who sent Jesus to die
for us. My young mind did not understand the whole Trinity "Jesus, God,
and the Holy Spirit ARE One" thing. To be honest, I still don't fully
comprehend it. The easiest way I can think to break it down is this:
Equilateral Triangle. The three different sides and points ARE 'seperate' but
it is still ONE triangle. No part being more important than the other, each
serving a separate role, yet functioning as a whole, incomplete without even just
ONE.
Anyway, my
point in this is not to write about the Trinity. That's something you can take
up with God when you get to Heaven (if you even remember trivial things like
that when you get there. I have a feeling we won't...we'll be too busy gawking at
everything, and partying and praising and worshipping and (hopefully) eating!!
ANYHOOZLE...I digress). My point is to say this: my very young self was naive
to think that Jesus was lesser than God, and it caused me to miss out on years
of relationship with His part of the 'Triangle.' As I got older, I understood
Jesus was equal, but I didn't honestly give Him much thought. At least not until this
past year.
I didn't have
any grand revealing, or vision, or dream, or miracle that triggered it...it was
just a man. A man who threw the gates wide open on his life...his past, his
present, and what he felt coming in the future. Raw. He was very raw and
transparent, and this enabled the light inside him to shine in blinding
capacities!! And it was annoying. Really. Freaking. Annoying. Especially to
someone whose own mess had begun to dull her shine. "I got this S***
handled" she thought to herself, when in reality her "S***" was
about to hit the fan. She was walking around in a drunken stupor, trying to
convince herself she wasn't drunk...But she was.She was incapacitated, and she
didn't even know it. Until THIS GUY, this annoying, talking, bumbling idiot,
who was so filled to overflowing with Christ and His Spirit, kept crossing her
path.
At first, she
didn't understand why he irked her so badly. She should be happy for him. He
was a new believer of the faith she professed to be a part of/ live out. He was
kind, caring, gentle, yet persistent. He was bold, and real, outspoken and
joyful. He was a servant and a leader. He was intuitive like he knew your
story, yet asked questions like a stranger. Yet, in all his goodness, he just
rubbed her the wrong way. It was like being rudely awakened in the dead of
night with a flashlight being shone in your freaking face. And she was NOT
happy about it. But she fell in love with him...well, she fell in love
with the One who was doing the shining in him. Jesus. After countless
encounters, and frustrated rants at God, she finally asked "God, what's
going on here? Who does he remind me of? I'm drawn to him, as if he's someone I'm familiar with, yet he's so frustrating. You wanna let
me know what's going on here?" and His reply was simply this: "It's
Christ. You see Christ in him, which is why you are both drawn to him, and
repelled by him. Because My Son is in him, and you want to hide from that--you
want to hide from Him."
Can you say
"Ouch."? Can you imagine the God of the Universe calling you out
because YOU DON'T WANNA BE AROUND HIS SON??? The Son who came to this earth to
be beaten, bruised, bloodied beyond recognition, all because you will never
make the cut otherwise. The Son who makes it possible for you to get into
Heaven. The Son who loves you, and wants to make you His bride. And you want
nothing to do with Him...and after years of this, God finally calls you out for
a problem you didn't even acknowledge you had...can you imagine the
humiliation, the heartbreak, the stupidity, and the FREEDOM that was felt in
that moment? It was like hanging out naked in the dark, curled up in a ball,
hands covering shut eyes for years, and the lights all come on, someone forces
your hands from your eyes, and hold your lids open and there's not a single
shred of darkness left to look to. You're exposed, revealed, and MAN your head
hurts, your world is spinning, but you realize its a rescue squad, coming to
carry you out of this pit.
That's what it
was like for me to meet Jesus for real. I've known OF Him for years. Known stuff
and learned stuff about Him my whole life...but it wasn't until I truly got to
KNOW Him for myself that my life became any different. Ya wanna know why? Keep
reading and I'll tell you why:}
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