"Get saved cuz then you wont. And i got saved and kept on doing. Then where am i supposed to go? Apparently Jesus doesnt work for me. but [God] said: "No no no, we'll work through this...But I'm not letting you go in the mean time...Oh we'll get there. I'll be faithful to finish...Dont give up! keep walking! keep pressing in! keep confessing! But don't give up. I'll heal you. I won't let you go. There is no one who can condemn you. I don't and if I don't no one can. Who will even bring a charge against you? Youre MINE!!! What court could they possibly charge you in? Everything's mine!!"--Matt Chandler
I found this commentary on the song "how He loves us" by David Crowder Band. Every time I hear it (which is getting near 100 times) it affects me just as much as the first time, tears well up to the point of overflowing, and my heart aches… I recognize how often I screw up. Not in the big things, like most people expect or look out for, but in all the small ways. It's a daily struggle for me to not give up. Everything that is supposed to be getting easier in my life is just getting more confusing. It's the same things over and over that I keep tripping up on.
I don't get it. Why would He put up with this? Why doesn't He just walk away from me? I'm hopeless. I learn so slowly from the mistakes I've realized I made; what about all the mistakes I'm not even aware of? He knows all of it. Sometimes I shock myself with how selfish I am, and the stupid things I end up doing. There are times I don't even bother to try and hide it. If anything, I try to make it more obvious. My hissy fits are bigger, my gratitude smaller, my disregard more blatant. In these moments I know what I'm doing is wrong, yet I can't seem to stop doing it. I've tried rubbing it in His face. Tried yelling and screaming and coming up with all the excuses in the book. I've tried walking away, I've tried shoving Him away. I've tried everything I know, and yet I cannot get away from Him.
His grace and forgiveness draw me in like chocolate draws a woman on her period... I can't escape it, can't flee from it. It's quite strange, really. It's like trying to escape freedom. Sometimes captivity seems easier, more appealing. There's no unfamiliar territory, no responsibility of your own, no fear of having to go back. It's a comfortable Hell. You're used to it. But with God He sets you free from your bondage, free from the chains of sin.
Here's the problem with sinners, we don't know what to do without the sin. Going from darkness to light sucks at first. There's that awkward, awful transition. There's lots of squinting and stumbling involved. It feels foreign, scary, big, unsafe. There's so much to discover in freedom that bondage never offered. The light hurts. It exposes how ugly and broken and scarred you really are. Everyone can see it. They don't have to be close any more, it's plain for everyone to see. So, sinners, like me, want to get back where it's comfortable, and dark, and we can fool people into thinking we look prettier and have better skin than we do in actuality.
But once you've tasted freedom, you can't be expelled from it. Once you've soaked in that light, the darkness will no longer accept you, and you cannot be liberated from this Freedom. The scars and hideousness seen in the light, no matter how horrifying cannot push the Love of the Light-giver aside. But, that's the beauty of it. Like true love, no matter how hard you try to to expose the nasty side of you; no matter how cruel or abusive you become; no matter how crazy or psycho you temporarily go, love, true love, will not let you go. God no longer sees your faults, your scars, your sins. He looks at you, He looks at us who have chosen to follow His Son, and it's no longer our sin He sees--He sees His Son's sinless record. His perfect, spotless, blameless, holy, beautiful Son. "3For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God. 4When Christ, who is our life, is revealed, then you also will be revealed with Him in glory.…" It's not about us, or what we can do on our own. It's about Christ, whom we have chosen to follow and what He has already done.
There is no reason, no rhyme, no need. Just love that can't and will not ever, even think about, letting go. Ever. Ever.
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