I'm assuming if you've been around church at all, or around churchy people, you have heard the story of the 'Prodigal son.' If not, google 'Parable of the lost son' and you'll find any details I leave out. The story, the way I put it together is here: A son, the youngest of two, asked his father for his portion of the inheritance, got it, took off, and squandered it away. And, when the son had NOTHING left--no money, no dignity, no friends, no hope, he remembered his Father. He remembered how well his father treated even his servants, and chose to return to his father; not as a son--a member of the family, worthy of love and honor--but as a servant, who had to earn his place. When he gets there, head hanging in shame, speech prepared asking his father to take pity on him, and accept his servanthood, he is in for a surprise. His father had apparently been waiting for him at the window--somehow believing all along that his son would return home-- and when he saw his son he RAN TO HIM! He ran, and wrapped his arms around him. Before the son can get a word in edgewise, or deliver his speech, or make an excuse, or apologize, or tell his father how bad he feels, his father puts his robe around him, and tells the servants to kill the best calf and throw a huge BBQ for his son. He was celebrating his son's return with the best of what he had to offer, and warmly embracing his son and welcoming him back into the family, as if this son had never done anything wrong. And later the oldest son, who had been faithful so long, whined to his father saying, basically, it wasn't fair...which is true...but the father made some good points...emphasizing the joy they should have now that this son was lost, and is now found--was dead, but is now ALIVE! But more on the older son later. This is about the Prodigal son.
Can you imagine that moment, after this Prodigal son, we'll call him Ted, is ushered into his old bedroom to prepare for the party? The servants escort him to his room, bring him some water to wash up, and left him alone to go fetch a change of clothes. Can you imagine the first still moment he has to himself to reflect on what's just taken place? I invite you into this moment as I take the liberty of expounding on what went on here...Ted has a pleasantly confused smile on his face as the last servant leaves, closing the door behind him. He peers around his room, everything exactly as he had left it. A few books he hadn't been all that fond of, a dozen unmatched socks lay in a pile on top of his dresser; a family picture, dusty; glass cracked; his first baseball glove--a gift from his father. As his eyes wander around the room memories flood back, and he's transported to a time before he had run away--a shockingly painful reminder of all he had left behind, so foolishly forsaken. The pain forces him back to present day. Solemnly he looks up, only to catch a glimpse of himself in the mirror--his breath catches in his throat. "Who have I become?" The dirt and mud make him look two shades darker than the weathered tan he became while living with the pigs. Beneath this cakey exterior layer he sees scars from bar fights, drunken nights, and self-mutilation. He sees the tired look in his eyes, a tired supersceding his physical being, permeating his mental, emotional and spiritual being--to the very core of his soul; he was tired, the kind of tired sleep did not touch, and rest could not quench.
"How did I get here?" Though part of him knows this is a dangerously terrifying question to ask himself, he cant stop himself. And the memories flood his mind. It started with bits and pieces of discontentment, fostered thoughts that festered, eventually overlapping. Discontentment fed by an attitude of 'deserving' and disappointments. It turned into anger, covered by intricate lies, so detailed he had himself convinced they were true. Some of it was curiosity, some part of him wanted to know why the wrong was so 'wrong.' He had wanted to be independent. He thought he could do it--after all, hadn't he faithfully done his chores since his childhood? Hadn't he shown his older brother how to plow the field faster, and brush the horses nicer? Didn't he know enough about this world not only to survive it, but to conquer it? Wasn't he strong enough? Smart enough? Hadn't he read enough, seen enough?
In this body-jolting reality-check of a moment the answer was a big, fat, resounding NO. No, no no no no no. No. He had failed, and failed hard. He had abandoned all the good things in his life, and chosen a path, a destiny, that was far more difficult than he had ever been intended for. And in this moment he felt it. All of it. And he hated himself, he was disgusted with himself. He begins to think he was wrong to return, it's too painful to see so clearly how far he had fallen, and how much he had left. Like the painful transition from the darkness of a cave to the brightness of the afternoon sun reflecting off the water. He contemplates, very seriously leaving, and not a moment later-- a quiet knock at the door, and it opens to an old, familiar face,a face that had been missed--his father, smiling proudly.
He feels ashamed, exposed, naked in the light of his father's love. A shadow falls over his father's face. "He must know how painful it is for me here. I do not deserve this" He fakes a smile, but his father sees through it.
"My son," he says, voice calming as warm cocoa on a cold day.
" I am no longer worthy to be your son..." Ted begins the speech he had prepared to give earlier. "I'm not even worthy to be your servant. You don't know what I've done, I'm..." Before he can finish his father wraps his arms around him once more and Ted breaks down in tears--not the strong, manly single tear running down his rigid face, but gut wrenching, heaving, 'I just cut onions and the rubbed it in my eyes, then ran into the doorway' kind of tears. He couldn't look up. And his father did not expect him to. He just held him.
And that's what God does for us--He just. Holds us. No matter how bad you screw up, no matter how far you fall. No matter how far you run, or how hard you try to run away or how much trouble you get into, or cause, you cannot drive away your Heavenly Father. You cannot screw up so badly that your title as Child of God, heir to the throne, Prince or Princess of Heaven is revoked. "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." --Romans 8:38-39
NOTHING! Can separate us. Nothing. Nothing. And I thank God for that fact every day.
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